“When people face repercussions or unintended consequences after making a mistake, their fear may cause them to defend themselves by shifting the blame away from themselves and onto a scapegoat,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.

To avoid responsibility people find themselves in this dynamic if they try to detach or distance themselves from culpability when something goes wrong and their position is threatened. They try to avoid responsibility by shifting the blame onto someone else.

To protect their reputation, people tend to play the blame game when they fear that owning their mistakes or taking responsibility for an error could negatively impact the way they are perceived.

Sometimes it can be quite evident that someone is trying to shirk responsibility. Other times, it can be more subtle. Here are some indications that someone is playing the blame game:

Finger-pointing- People may point fingers at others. For instance, they may say, “He/She was supposed to send me the data for the graphs. I couldn’t make the graphs without that information.”

Denial- People may deny their responsibility. For instance, they may say, “No one told me we needed to include graphs in the presentation, how was I supposed to know?”

Exclusion- People may consistently exclude or marginalize a member of the group, and then make them the scapegoat when things go wrong. Immigrants are reason we are having problems in our society.

Blaming is a natural human behavior. When something bad happens, our first instinct is to figure out who is responsible. The problem is that when we are the ones to blame, our instincts may be to look for a way to avoid the potential consequences. Even Scriptures mention these behaviors.

In Genesis 3:12, Adam blames Eve for disobeying God. “Adam replied, ‘The woman You put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate.” Adam, not Eve, received the original prohibition (Genesis 2:16-17).

• Exodus 32:22-24 – Aaron blames the people for the golden calf.

• 1 Samuel 15:20-24 – Saul blames “the people” for sparing Amalekite spoil.

• Luke 10:29 – A lawyer, “wanting to justify himself,” questions Jesus.

According to the latest figures available, August 2024, CDC. 1 in 3 adults living in the United States of America, report feeling lonely. About 1 in 4 U.S. adults report not having social and emotional support. You might ask, how can that be in a country of over 300 million people?

This is the problem. It is not simply being around and with people. There has to be a connection. A relationship if you will. Even a person with a lot of friends can feel lonely. Social isolation is not having relationships, contact with, or support from others.

Loneliness is feeling alone or disconnected from others. It is feeling like you do not have meaningful or close relationships or a sense of belonging. It reflects the difference between a person’s actual and desired level of connection.

Loneliness and social isolation may be shaped by conditions in the environments where people are born, live, work, learn, worship, and play. These conditions can affect the ability to connect socially.

Certain conditions or experiences may increase a person’s risk of social isolation and loneliness. These include: Having a mental or physical challenge, chronic disease or condition.

Psychiatric or depressive condition, long-term disability, being marginalized or discriminated against.

Having limited or no access to resources, such as: living in rural areas, limited transportation.

However, when all else fails, scripture gives us hope. But only if we embrace it.

Genesis 2:18: God declares that it is not good for man/woman to be alone, emphasizing the importance of companionship.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: Two are better than one; they can help each other and support one another in times of trouble.

Psalm 68:6: God sets the lonely in families, highlighting His desire for community and connection.

Matthew 11:28-30: Jesus invites the weary and burdened to come to Him, offering comfort and companionship.

Hebrews 10:24-25: Believers are encouraged to meet together and encourage one another, reinforcing the value of fellowship.

Just remember, if you want friends, you have to be friendly, which means you have to work at it. You might even be rejected. sometimes. However, don’t give up.

In many of our conversations we speak of friends that we had when we were children, school, military, or at work. When asked if you are still friends many answer that we lost contact with them when we separated.  I often think about them. I don’t know if they are still around.

Aristotle identifies three types of friendships. Friendships of utility, pleasure, and virtue. Friendships of Utility: These are based on mutual benefit and practical advantages. You did not necessarily choose them; they were at the place of work.

Friendships of pleasure: These arise from shared enjoyment and fun activities. You may have played sports together, or were in some of the same classes at school and went out together to break away from the everyday grind. You may have even been “besties.”

Friendships of Virtue: The highest form, based on mutual respect and admiration for each other’s character. These are people you sought out at a time of distress, or were there for you when there seemed to be no one else around. You saw something in each other that was worth growing.

The importance of virtue is that true friendships require time and effort to develop and are rooted in moral goodness. Friendships of virtue are the most enduring and fulfilling, as they are based on deeper connections. True friendships are infrequent because virtuous people are rare.

Several scriptures come to mind. “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me (John 15:13-15. “The words of the ultimate friend, Jesus.

There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24).

“There is no friend like Jesus” is a famous theme from the 19th-century hymn “No Not One!” written by Johnson Oatman Jr in 1895. The song focuses on Jeus’ unique compassion and faithful companionship, often referencing Biblical promises of hi unmatched, loving friendship and care.

Jesus knows all about our struggles/He will guide till the day is done. While the exact sentence is not a direct quote from the Bible, it is widely accepted, profound summary of biblical teaching regarding Jesus’ role in believer lives.

Lastly, Aristotle observed that “wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.”

In June of this year, my wife and I will have been married for fifty-five years. It seems like a life time to some people. I have no regrets. I have learned a lot from her. I owe my happiness to her. The next question is usually phrased as “What is the secret to your success?”

I submit that there is no secret to our success. But it is important to align yourselves with someone who has the same “moral compass.” If you miss this, your chances of remaining happily together are nearly impossible.  

You do not have to be concerned about what you have in common. You discuss the differences.  I am an introvert, and she is an extrovert. She likes sports and I do not. She does not ask me to take her to games. She likes onions and garlic, I abhor them. She puts them in a zip-lock bag so I do not see them or smell them.  

As of 2023, the last data available from Pew Research Center, there were about 111 million single adults ages 18 and up in the United States. That is a sizable increase from 70 million in 1990. Have they given up on marriage? Women do not have to depend on men for their legitimacy. Men still try to control their decisions by passing other laws.

Some women say they would like to marry but have been disappointed by the prospects available to them. No one wants to take credit for their behaviors. As an ordained minister, and chaplain, I have decided not to perform any marriage ceremonies.

A lot of the assumptions we used to make about people were based on their relationship status,” said Dr. McGraw, who lives in Denver and hosts the podcast “Solo: The Single Person’s Guide to a Remarkable Life.” “If I knew you were single or married, I would feel like I knew a lot about you — like how you live, your values, your lifestyle. A lot of those assumptions are false now.”

As a teacher, speaking about my children, I would say that I have a grown son and daughter. my son is married and has three children. They would ask, how many children does she have? She is not married. They would look puzzled.  As to say, what does that have to do with it.

In the Bible, marriage is instituted by God as a sacred, lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, designed to reflect the union between Christ and the church. It involves leaving parents, uniting as “one flesh,” and acting as a partnership of mutual support.

From early sundials and other rudimentary clocks, timekeeping has evolved into an exquisitely orchestrated global symphony that plays 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, literally never missing a beat.

This symphony of time may be one of humanity’s most complex and important — and, perhaps, even beautiful — achievements. Time is probably the most measured quantity on Earth. It even tells us when to wake and when to sleep.

It helps organize and coordinate our lives. Scientists use time to measure and understand countless features of our world. Yet we cannot measure time directly. Our senses can’t measure it. We cannot see it, hear it, taste it, touch it or smell it.

Instead, we measure time intervals — the durations separating two events. “Time” is the accumulation of these intervals. But behind this veneer of simplicity is an intricate global timekeeping effort involving hundreds of sophisticated atomic clocks operated by scientists located around the world.

Each of us depends on a global network of atomic clocks that are continuously being measured, compared and synced to each other, and that are tuned to even purer and more precise timing tones produced by some of the best clocks ever made.

In today’s globalized world, nobody keeps time alone. In 1960, the nations of the world began jointly producing a time scale called Coordinated Universal Time, or UTC. (A time scale is an agreed-upon system for keeping time using data from clocks around the world.)

Since the 1980s, an organization called the International Bureau of Weights and Measures, often referred to by its French-language acronym, BIPM, has overseen UTC.

Despite all of this technology, time is still relative. Meaning that if your plane is due to take off at 8:00 am and your $10,000 Rolex says 7:50, your plane has probably taken off without you.

Yet, 2 Peter 3:8, tells us: “With the Lord a day is like a thousand years.”  He is arguing against doubters who complained that Jesus hadn’t returned yet. “The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness” God works in His own time for His purpose.

Credit: J. Sherman/NIST, R. Jacobson/NIST

Constantly giving without receiving can result in emotional exhaustion. Givers may neglect their own needs, leading to burnout and a sense of depletion. This behavior can create a cycle where givers feel obligated to continue giving, even when it is detrimental to their well-being.

Givers often struggle to set limits, which can lead to overcommitment and stress. Learning to establish boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Giving without receiving may seem generous, but it leaves no space for the other person to step in, to feel needed, or to matter.

Givers often face challenges that can lead to emotional and relational difficulties. Givers frequently find themselves in one-sided relationships where their generosity is not returned. This can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration, as their efforts may go unrecognized or unappreciated

I have had co-workers in the past who could not say no to those who asked for their help. They would help them get their work completed first, and they would come up with an excuse to leave before the helper’s was done. Leaving the giver the stress of finishing their work alone.

It would happen every grading period by the same people who never had time to help her do anything. Each time she would get scolded about it, she would promise that it would not happen the next time.  It always did.  

There have been lots of studies done on the different feeling that one gets when they receive and when they give. That does not mean that everyone gets that same feeling. Giving has many benefits for one’s health, psychological well-being, and spiritual growth (Brown, 2003).

If you find yourself surrounded by people who constantly display helplessness around just you, and they seem to be competent, or even helping others and not you, you have no doubt been flagged as a giver. It is okay to say no.

The chaos that we are experiencing now affects us all in one way or the other. The economic rainfall is very clear. However, the broken heartedness is not easily measured. It is hidden deep inside and may not be noticed unless it is manifested in some outward way, such as in a song.

“What Becomes of the Brokenhearted” is a hit single recorded by Jimmy Ruffin and released on Motown Records’ Soul label in the summer of 1966. It is a ballad, with lead singer Jimmy Ruffin, the elder brother of the late David Ruffin, one of the lead singers of the Temptations. He is re- calling the pain that befalls those who were jilted by romantic partners.

If you were to take the time to speak to some of the many homeless brothers and sisters that you encounter roaming the streets, instead of judging them harshly, this is how it started. They didn’t just wake up one day and decided to check out from society.

A world filled with love is a wonderful sight.

Being in love is one’s heart’s delight.

But that look of love isn’t on my face.

That enchanted feeling has been replaced.

To understand the psychological perspective on heartbreak, consider the following insights:

• It often leads to feelings of grief, loss, and sadness, akin to mourning.
• The brain’s reward system is affected, causing withdrawal-like symptoms.
• Coping strategies, such as social support and self-care, are crucial for healing.
• Time is a significant factor; emotional recovery can take longer than expected.
• Professional therapy can help individuals process their feelings and move forward.

To understand what scripture says about the brokenhearted, consider these key verses:

• Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
• Isaiah 61:1 – “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives.”
• Matthew 11:28 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
• 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 – “God comforts us in all our troubles, so we can comfort others.”
• Psalm 147:3 – “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

“There but for the grace of God go I.“ Often attributed to the 16^th century English reformer John Braford.

Covet 19 brought to our attention isolation and depression. The least and the lost were already suffering. Yes, it increased during this time because a different segment of people was admitting that they too were having these problems.

Experts say social isolation and loneliness in the U.S., are posing a serious threat to our mental and physical health. About 1 in 3 adults in the U.S. report feeling lonely. About 1 in 4 U.S. adults report not having social and emotional support.   

Social isolation is when a person does not have relationships or contact with others and has little to no social support. It can pose a health risk to people, even if they don’t feel lonely. Relationships have to have a face and some action, not just words. Some feedback also.

Loneliness is feeling alone or disconnected from others. It is feeling like you do not have meaningful or close relationships or a sense of belonging. It reflects the difference between a person’s actual and desired level of connection.

Social isolation and loneliness may be shaped by conditions in the environments where people are born, live, work, learn, worship, and play. The availability of resources that exist in a community, such as parks, libraries, public transportation, and programs, support the development of social connection.

We know that there are certain risk factors that make some prone to social isolation and loneliness. These include: Chronic disease or condition. psychiatric or depressive conditions. long-term disability, or being marginalized or discriminated against.

Having limited or no access to resources, such as: living in rural areas, limited transportation, language barriers, being a victim of violence or abuse, facing a divorce, unemployment, or the loss of a loved one. One whom they depended upon for solace.

Loneliness may impact some groups more than others, such as: Low-income adults, young adults, older adults, adults living alone, immigrants, people who identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual. It can affect all genders, races, and economical status. In big cities too.

Health impacts can increase a person’s risk for: heart disease and stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression and anxiety. suicidality and self-harm, dementia, and earlier death. “There but for the grace of God go I”

Source: https://www.cdc.gov/social-connectedness/risk-factors/index.html