Tag Archives: mental-health

Let Go Of The Unfairness Of Life

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Unless you have been truly blessed, or born into privilege, you have no doubt learned that life is not fair.  At least in the way you might look at it. When children try to understand why life is unfair, they may think it is because they are bad or someone else is bad.  

As adults, a part of us continues to believe that we will always have good fortune if we are good. We believe if we share with others, if we are good to others, life will be fair to us. However, when that does not happen, we ask ourselves, why is life so unfair?

What we may be most angry about is that the universe and God are different from what we expect it to be. Throughout history, people of faith have given several causes for why bad things happen to good people.

Sinning by omission. Failing to do what is right or neglect a duty or responsibility. Such as failing to help someone in need or not praying. They are not about committing a wrongful act, but rather about inaction. Especially If you have the means to do more.  No matter how small.

Sinning by commission. You actively commit a wrongly act, such as lying, stealing, or adultery. Many might come to the conclusion that the former sin is not as grave as this one. Afterall, you are not responsible for the other persons circumstances. “They should get a job. I work for what I get, so why can’t they.”  

People, perhaps less religiously oriented, would say the reason that bad things happen to good people can be explained by science. People get sick because of viruses and germs. People attack other people because they “lack impulse control,” or have suffered an abusive childhood.

“Life is often unfair.” The answer to “why” remains an open question or perhaps even a mystery; that life is often unfair and that we do not know why. According to Chaplain Juliana Lesher, M.DIV., BCC, And Chaplain Dick Millapaugh.

Or, “so that you may show yourselves to be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on those who are evil and on those who are good, and makes the rain fall on the righteous and the unrighteous (Matthew 5:45).

You might ask, in the midst of the mystery, how do we cope with the unfairness of life? It may lead us to join the author of this writer. “So, life came to mean nothing to me, because everything in it had brought me nothing but trouble. It had all been useless; I had been chasing the wind” (Ecclesiastes 2.17).

Are You Lonely?

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Humans are wired to be social creatures. We crave connections with others and we need these connections to thrive and have a happy life. If we do not feel like our need for social connections and relationships are met, we feel isolated from the group or lonely, which can have significant effects on our health.

Loneliness can be described as a feeling or state of being. It is more than being by yourself or without the company of others. Someone can be surrounded by people, even friends, and still be lonely.  New York is the world capital when it comes to culture. New York City is a melting pot. 8.4 million individuals living their own lives, experiencing the city in their own way.

The survey revealed that over half of New Yorkers feel lonely. Only 10% of New Yorkers find it easy to make friends, and even more depressingly, 4% find it easy to find love. Why, because more and more people look to make connections online, thus squashing face-to-face encounters.

In younger generations, social media usage has become a contributor to people’s loneliness. A survey by the United States Government found that millennials (1981-1996) —a generation more likely to use social media heavily—are more likely to feel lonely than Gen X (1965-1980) and Baby Boomers (1955-1964. One is a curse and the other a savior. Some Boomers do not trust social media.

Being out of reach of others has an impact on both our mental and physical health. Research suggests loneliness as a potential risk factor for dementia, heart disease, and stroke in adults ages 50 and older. However, health risks from loneliness can affect people of all ages. These include, increased risk of substance abuse, heart disease and stroke, depression, anxiety, increased risk of suicide.

Dr. Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Oxford and his fellow researchers dug into phone records to determine the closeness of relationships based on the frequency with which they spoke on the phone. Because we’re so text-obsessed now, they used records from 2007 when most people still talked on the phone.

The results showed the average person had “4.1” close friends, so Dunbar concludes we can safely say you can maintain up to five close friendships. Friendships take time and energy, so if you’re trying to spread those finite brain resources with more than five people, odds are you are not doing any of your friendships very well.

Dr. Mark Vernon, a philosopher, psychotherapist and author of The Meaning of Friendship, suggests that even one very good friend can improve your life in profound ways. Vital friendships have the greatest impact on your health and happiness, not digital contacts.

God may not take away our loneliness but as we put our hope in Him, God will make sure we feel His nearness. “My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (Psalm 25:14-18).