We hear it all of the time, sometimes we experience it in our interactions with those who are close to us. “Perception is everything.”  It took me a long time to realize that there is a difference between being a great provider and a great gift giver.

This is the time of year when our good deeds are not always met with good thoughts from the receiver. It pays to know something about the recipient. It is important to understand and accept the fact that doing something for someone special should not depend on strings attached, and be of a personal nature.

Remember that there are exceptions to every rule. So called experts warn that these are some of the gifts that may get you in trouble with your spouse; so called make easy work gadgets, some clothing, and gift cards. That does not mean that you cannot give these things, but don’t dare called them gifts.

It does not matter if you purchase a new water heater this Christmas because your significant other likes to take hot showers, and the old water heater is just not making that possible. But do not dare call it a gift. It is for the convenience of others too.

A gift or present is an item given to someone without the expectation of payment or anything in return. An item is not a gift if that item is already owned by the one to whom it is given. In other words, you cannot put a bow on the car you bought seven years ago because it took that long to pay it off.

In keeping with the time of the year, let us remember what the Teacher taught us, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.

If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth (1 John 3:16-18).

Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground. And in the process of time, it came to pass that Cain brought an offering of the fruit of the ground to the Lord. Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat. And the Lord respected Abel and his offering, but He did not respect Cain and his offering. And Cain was very angry, and his countenance fell (Genesis 4:3-5).

Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him. Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother’s keeper?” And the Lord said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to me from the ground (Genesis 4:8-10).

Jealousy and envy stem mainly from comparison. We are familiar with that feeling whether it is because someone we know, a partner or close friend pays more attention to someone else or a promotion that you wanted. Many of us have behaved poorly because of these feelings. Usually, it does not lead to murder, but it could.

The results are the same. Irresponsible behavior leads to unintended negative repercussions to self and others. Roger Martin, in his book The Responsibility Virus (2003), describes the issue at the corporate level. There are also lots of scriptures that address this dilemma.

If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:1-2). “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you (John 15:12).

So, from the very beginning of the Bible (Genesis 4:1-13) to the very end, God’s message has not changed. We are to be our brother’s/sister’s keeper demonstrated by our actions. But not as Cain treated his brother. He didn’t love Abel more than himself. That runs counter to “group think”.

Group-think, the practice of thinking or making decisions as a group in a way that discourages creativity or individual responsibility. “Theres always a danger of groupthink when two leaders are so alike.” Instead of the Holy Bible, you can watch, listen or read this behavior in the daily media.

Websters Dictionary defines gossip as, “a person who chatters or repeats idle talk and rumors.”  Idle talk and rumors usually define the content of gossip. However, it’s important to realize that the accuracy of the information being chattered about is not the only issue. Excessive talk fuels gossip.

The phrase “Less is More” is often associated with the architect and furniture designer Ludwig Mies Van Der Rohe (1886-1969), one of the founders of modern architecture and simplicity of style. However, the modern meaning is strongly related to anti-materialism and minimalism which focus on surrounding yourself with simple things and ditching superfluous things.

However, the first time I heard it was from my first seminary professor, Dr. Doug Chatham, Director of Graduate Studies. He often said this right after assigning a paper to write, “less is more.” You were to stick with the subject, not ramble like you were writing a preaching manuscript.  

There are numerous passages in the Bible that mentions less is more. Less is more and more is less. One righteous will outclass fifty wicked, For the wicked are moral weaklings but the righteous are GOD-strong (Psalms 37:16-17).

In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise (Proverbs 10:19). It could be true or false. The issue is there are some things that simply do not need to be said. I know I am fat, but I do not have to be reminded.

We all have been guilty at one time or another of not listening because we were rapidly forming a response in our mind while the other person was still talking. Most will tell you it is rude. It tells the other person that you are not really concerned with their opinion, but forcing yours.   

Proverbs identifies this as foolishness: He/She who answers a matter before he/She hears it is folly and shame to him/her (18:13).

I have long believed that when someone does something positive, whether it benefits me or not, to say thank you. It used to be one of the first phrases that adults taught those who were beginning to speak. What do you say, “Thank you.”

So, if the turkey is too dry, the cranberry sauce is whole berries instead of jellied, you don’t like peas, the potato pie is too sweet, or the tea is not as sweet as you are used too, and your favorite dish is not on the menu, try to remember those who are less fortunate.

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God. The fact that it is God’s wilI for us to be thankful, empowers us to be able to do so (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

My Pastor, The Rev. Dr. William E. Flippin Sr., of The Greater Piney Grove Baptist Church, Atlanta, GA, often says that your circle of friends and acquaintances are not complete if you do not have a mentor, or some grey-haired persons as a part of it. I am paraphrasing.

On the other hand, I say, if your circle of friends and acquaintances are composed of nothing but grey-haired souls, you could be missing out on the rich exchange that can take place in an interrelated relationship with young souls. Some of my greatest lessons learned have been from those much younger than myself. Especially sixth grade, exceptional, students.

As a wise judge, Solomon remarks on the importance of “due diligence.” A person needs to hear both sides of a case before rendering a decision. Many claims and accusations seem plausible until scrutinized.  The Book of Proverbs tells us that “The first person to present his case seems right, until another comes and examines him.”

Daily life is full of examples proving the wisdom of this proverb. Friends, neighbors, or co-workers might make accusations against each other, telling only one side of the story. But a person needs to hear from others involved, or at least learn all the relevant facts, before attempting to declare who is telling the truth.

As an Exceptional Education Teacher, I often had a different opinion than my students. Sometimes it over flowed to the parents. I learned from an experienced Science teacher, when that happened it behooved me to tell my side first. It may have temporarily stopped the teaching process for a few moments but the results were almost, always positive.

Solomon demonstrated a creative method of seeking more information. He showed strange judgement in the case of two women, each claiming to be the mother of the same child. Solomon suggested the baby be cut in half, with half given to each woman. The real mother strongly objected, while the other was willing to make the sacrifice.

Females are noted for making incredible sacrifices that others might not understand or agree with. I am a living witness.

We may not bow to some of the gods that the Apostle Paul talked about in the New Testament, but everyone worships something or someone. Greed and power seems to have the largest following. Novelist David Foster Wallace goes on to say that society is no less religious. “Everybody worships”.

He warns that, “If you worship money and things…then you will never have enough…worship your body and beauty…and you will feel ugly…worship your intellect …[and} you will end up feeling stupid. Our secular age has its own gods, and they are not benign.” This brings us to the question, whether prayer should be allowed in schools.

Fifty years ago, the U.S. Supreme Court removed government-endorsed prayer from public schools, ruling the practice unconstitutional. The decision remains at the center of debate over the separation of church and state, and altered the way classrooms approached faith and religion.

In the 1963 Murray v. Curlett case, the Supreme Court expanded on their 1962 decision to ban mandatory Bible readings in schools, thus finishing the government’s drive to remove the Christian faith from the nation’s education system. What if you were not a Christian. What about unbelievers?

No doubt it was a hot topic during the time and still is. Those who say that prayer should be allowed are thinking that they can some how taylor it to there liking. It is difficult for members of one faith to decide how it should be taught.  

The bible even speaks about this over 2,000 years ago. Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: “People of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious.

For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: to an unknown god. So, you are ignorant of the very thing you worship—and this is what I am going to proclaim to you.

In Matthew 6:5-7, Jesus taught, “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others…but when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your father who is unseen.

Then your father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Many of us are carrying invisible scars that others can’t see or understand. We are not deliberatly hiding them, we are unaware. Many laymen and experts say that children are the most resilient. Perhaps they are to a certain degree. More and more we are finding that it is not true. They do not stay children. Coping is not the same as healing.

Coping mechanisms may work temporarily, but coping is not a long-term solution. Healing on the other hand, means making long-term changes that allow us to thrive, rather than just barely survive. Unhealthy coping mechanisms involve behaviors that provide short-term relief but may exacerbate distress in the long run.

Examples of coping strategies are avoidance, seeking social support, drug and alcohol abuse, journaling, making to-do-list, procrastination, meditation, taking a break, and self-isolation. Substance abuse, avoidance, self-harm, and negative self-talk are among the most common examples of unhelpful coping strategies (Klonsky, 2007; Skinner et al. 2003).

In Psalm 6, David wrote of his own deep struggle. While the bible does not share the cause of his suffering, many of us can relate to his pain.  More importantly he admits that we cannot solve all of our problems ourselves and we need to reach out to an expert. In David’s case, he reached out to God.

David was in agony and deep anguish. He was worn out from groaning, and his bed was drenched with tears. In the midst of his overwhelming suffering, he cried out to God. Honestly pouring out his heart, he prayed for healing, rescue, and mercy.

He was even bold enough to ask how long. Perhaps he remembered that God said that he would never leave us or forsake us. But he also remembered in God’s timing, not David’s. Even devoted Christians get angry with God’s timing and make the mistake of walking away.

In Psalms 23 David praises God and extols His nurturing care in the midst of trials: “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.”  

Sometimes what we see is not necessarily what happened. What do you mean? You are in a hurry, not paying attention and you do not hold the door open for the person behind. You realize what happened, you stop, go back and apologize. The person calls you a name and says you should have been paying attention, with no give.

When we learn better, we are expected to do better. Many times I have heard the saying, “You know my heart” used just before we give our unabridged opinion to someone. This is used as a “get out of jail” ploy if you will. Rarely are we aware of another’s heart. We do not have the capacity to do so. After 52 years of marriage, we still miss read each other’s intentions.

It is hurtful because you tried to make it right. It does not feel good to be misunderstood or misjudged. And the closer we are to those we offend or those who offend us, the more painful it is. You might expect them to know your heart, but it was not captured.

We as humans will always make mistakes no matter how hard we try to do otherwise. Our “get out of jail card” has to always be in how we give others the benefit of the doubt. Tempering our words with kindness, thinking before we speak, and not being so ridged in our determinations to keep count.

The Bible agrees that God knows your heart. God said to Samuel that He sees not as man sees: “Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

“He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes, or decide by what he hears with his ears; but with righteous he will judge the needy, with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.

Jeremiah said this of the human heart:” The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jer.17:9).

Jesus said, “But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person” (Matt, 15:18-20).

That said, are we to give up on humankind? No, because he has not, and will not give up on us.