Many of us are aware of a relationship that failed because the person believed that once they changed the person into whom they wanted them to be, it would be a perfect relationship. They would go ahead and marry them as they are and immediately get to work on the change.

However, this desire to change others often leads to frustration, disappointment, and a strained relationship. Every individual has the right to live their life in a way that aligns with their own values, beliefs, and choices. Willingly, not by force or coercion.

Accepting and letting people be as they are is crucial for fostering healthy relationships, promoting emotional well-being, embracing diversity, and encouraging personal growth. By accepting and letting people be, we acknowledge and respect their autonomy, allowing them the freedom to express themselves without judgment or pressure to conform.

The experts on human nature say that we are wired to seek control and influence over our surroundings, including the people we interact with. Whether it’s our friends, family, or even acquaintances, we might find ourselves yearning for them to align with ours.

Perhaps we should add the phrase “as is” to the wedding vows.  For better or worse does not seem to imply this thought. Over a period of time, based on circumstance that are not planned, survival instincts sneak in. Our true selves appear, we commonly say, out of nowhere.

We become comfortable and unpolished. We stop saying and doing the things that the other person liked about us, and start to expect them to understand that because we stay, or pay the bills, that should suffice. The other person might see it as now you are just being tolerant.

Every relationship requires a tune-up every once in a while. Words like, “Do you still feel safe with me?  What would you like for me to do that I have not done in a while? Do you still love me? Have I done or said something that gave you pause?” Acceptable communication is a must.

Just remember, don’t start what you cannot continue.