My wife had a great relationship with my mother, even before we met but I did not know it. She knew her because her step grand-father was married to my biological mother. My wife knew more about me than I knew about myself. She still does. I was just beginning to have a relationship with my mother. One struggle at a time.

Unbeknownst to me she convinced my mother to reveal who my father was and his location. She said that the children needed to know both of their grandfathers. She had recently made amends with her father. I had no desire to know him because I was afraid of having to care. I told her that I was almost forty years old, and I did not want to deal with it. I could imagine him to be who/whatever I wanted him to be. Once I met him, I could not change it.  

He was still in the same town where he and my mother met. Where I was conceived if you will. It was less than 100 miles from where I grew up. Now I am thinking he didn’t care either. A hundred thoughts came to mind on the way there. We met and he said that he had no idea where my mother had gone. He did not know he had a child. He cried. He asked for forgiveness. Under the circumstances, I believed him. I forgave him. Man forgives with conditions, God does not.

After meeting his sisters I quickly realized that they were very much in control of him. Perhaps they did not approve of him getting involved with a widow with four children and one on the way. They had not seen each other since she left. We were going to meet again in six months. I had great expectations of what could be. I think they did too.

He did not live to make our next meet. He had been a longshoreman and drank quite a bit. I got notice of his death a week later via a message left by the police. They said that they could not get in touch with me. That was an untruth.

My daughter was devastated that her newly found grandfather died so soon after finding him.  She blamed herself. My wife had the perfect cure. We would immediately travel to take her to his grave site to say goodbye. This brought her closure. She has not mentioned anything to me since. I have thought many times, he was living for that moment to see us. I am glad that I was obedient and listened.  

I thought I was going to grow stronger in his family, and the family of my four brothers but one day my wife received an anonymous call. The caller said not to return.  They owned lots of property and I believe they thought I was after it. Many times, I wish I had gone anyway. Then other times I believe I did the right thing.