Making excuses for other’s bad behavior, especially repeated, can be harmful to both the person making the excuses and the one whose behavior is excused. It can enable negative patterns, damage relationships, and hinder personal growth.

While empathy and understanding can be helpful, constantly excusing harmful actions can lead to enabling bad behavior and even allow for abuse to continue. After a while they get so good at it they are able to get the enabler to sway others to feel the same way about them.

I have heard time and time again, “I know they are terrible, but someone has to stick up for them.” It usually comes from a mother or father, who believes that they have failed them, and this is their way of compensating them. They view the villain as an underdog.

An underdog is someone or something that is expected to lose or is at a disadvantage in a competition or situation. This term is often used in sports, politics, and other competitive arenas, where an underdog is pitted against a more favored opponent.

A key characteristic of an underdog is their potential to surprise and achieve victory despite the odds being stacked against them. Enablers help them in many ways. They do not usually have as much to lose. They are benefitting in some way. Even when it hurts them they keep making excuses for them.

A lack of empathy for others, prevents some people from putting checks on those who inflict pain on others. “Hurting people have a tendency to hurt others.” This is why it is so important to help those who have been hurt to seek counseling to address their hurts and find healing.